Nicole vs. Life
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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