I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
