i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
tell me about the eggs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
