the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
