Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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