nut hugger
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
