this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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