sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
