My first STD was from a foam party
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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