Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
