is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
