dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
