You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
