And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's JV to your varsity
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
