that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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