it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
