You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
