Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize