someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
