And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize