Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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