Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
