Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
