you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want a musical about memes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
