I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
