can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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