: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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