I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
