Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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