u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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