and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize