I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
