Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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