Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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