hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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