just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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