is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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