youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
