There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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