Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
