we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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