this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
