i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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