I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
