Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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