Don't make out with my wife yet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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