Sry I called you an 8
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
