you would pick up someone in the library
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
