At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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