i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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