so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
