You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
