Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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