uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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