So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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