I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
