his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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