Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
