You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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