he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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