Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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