the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
