butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
