Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
