Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
