Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
