Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize