Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
