Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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