at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
