Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
