She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
