Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
